How to increase self-confidence and self-esteem: simple psychological tips


Posted on Jul 18, 2022      102


Self-confidence can be compared to tap water. We do not know where it comes from, but we experience great discomfort when it is not there. Lack of confidence, just like lack of water, has a negative effect on our health and life.

All people strive to truly trust in their abilities and realize their worth. Confidence can take you out of your comfort zone and inspire you to take risks. And who knows what can be achieved in this way?

When confidence is lacking, people struggle to moderate their passions and desires, and over time, this can translate into anxiety, depression and eating disorders. You may have tried to stand in front of a mirror and rehearse your speech, your manners, your behavior, but it didn’t work. Everyone is unique in their own way, and different techniques help different people, so don’t despair.

The higher your confidence, the more room for improvement

Self-confidence is your belief in how good you are at something, but it is not a measure of your actual skill. According to Charlie Houpert, author of “The Art of Charisma” and founder of the YouTube channel of the same name, self-confidence not only makes you feel better about yourself, it also helps you take risks to make tangible improvements in your life.

“Real inner confidence leads to optimism, happiness and resilience,” Houpert says. - High external self-confidence leads to more risk-taking, which correlates directly with getting more reward".

The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology puts the subject differently: “If a person lacks confidence, he will not take action again. Therefore, lack of confidence is sometimes called “crippling doubt”. Doubt can weaken an effort even before or during an action itself."

If you believe you can get your dream job if you apply, no matter how small. But if you don’t believe you can get that job, and so you don’t apply, there is no chance here. Self-confidence doesn’t make you better at what you do, but it makes you take risks to achieve your goals.

Why does a person feel insecure?

In a flat place, for no reason insecurity develops in very rare cases, and it is rather the exception than the rule. Most of the same thing in the complexes that appeared in childhood, or the situation that had to survive in adulthood.

Childhood always carries the imprint of parents’ attitudes. Often we criticize the behavior and performance of children, friends of their child, comparing it with someone else. This is the first stone laid in the wall of insecurity in his teenager. In the future, he may suffer that there is no support from the people closest to him, give up an interesting and profitable occupation, lose the desire for personal growth and aspiration for something.

Sometimes, the child has a completely original reaction to such an attitude. He is trying by all means to prove to his family that he can achieve everything. But not everyone can defy parents.

Already in adulthood, insecurity may form because of several failures in professional activity or in the personal sphere. In the protracted course of black bars, it is usually difficult for a person to cope with a crisis. Constant failures, stressful situations lead to the fact that he becomes insecure - considers himself a loser.

How to improve self-confidence and self-esteem: secrets and exercises

A cheerful person is the one who is confident in himself. Being in this state is the dream of each of us. He finds positivity and a sense of joy in everything: in the work he does, in communication with loved ones, in new acquaintances. Here, no matter what he was doing, everything he does well. Surrounding it interesting, he is promoted; he is trusted serious projects.

For some people, such behavior is organic, self-evident. Others need to work on themselves for a long time in order to develop such qualities and achieve the desired result, to raise self-esteem. It is possible to do this if one makes some effort.

Building confidence and self-esteem will require some work on your part. You can say to yourself every day in front of the mirror, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and people damn well like me,” and it won’t hurt you. But there are more practical tools you can use.

Be “hyper-honest” with yourself

Being “hyper-honest” with yourself is a simple, everyday way to train your confidence.

Suppose someone asked you about your hobbies or your work? If you catch yourself hiding something, analyze your thoughts and find the reason. Chances are, you should either change your hobby/job or, more likely, accept that part of yourself and stop being ashamed of it.

This doesn’t mean you have to share every part of your personality with everyone you meet. You can talk about your weird hobbies to your weird friends, but at work, stick to work topics. However, you can still find someone with whom you can share your personality. When you stop hiding parts of yourself from other people, you’ll feel more confident in who you are.

Start exercising

Many people exercise to lose weight or build muscle, but exercise is also an excellent motivator for your self-confidence. Representatives of the American Psychological Association point to the fact that exercise can improve your mood and, along with regular treatment and therapy, help fight depression and anxiety.

Exercise can also help improve your confidence if you stick to a certain routine. After all, regular exercise requires discipline, and that is already an accomplishment. Not only will you feel confident because you’ve established a new habit, but you’ll also improve your body and health in the long run.

You can take up boxing. Boxing is considered a sport that not only hones your physical qualities but also your psychological ones. It requires tactics, strategy, develops mental toughness, and is a powerful stress reliever. Even Prince Harry (the Duke of Sussex) said that boxing helped him after the death of his mother, Princess Diana: “In those years I did boxing because everyone said it was useful and it was a superb way to release aggression.”

Resilience and perseverance are important skills in boxing. If you develop them enough in yourself, you can safely apply them outside the ring as well.

Try to do things that make you uncomfortable

Stepping out of your comfort zone, as you might expect, causes discomfort. But that’s the point. Ultimately, confidence is about feeling comfortable in a variety of situations that would make most people feel uncomfortable.

Thus, if you expand your comfort zone every day, quickly it will become so large that you can feel comfortable outside of it as well.

Getting out of your comfort zone can involve complex changes, such as accepting a new job offer or confronting someone you would normally avoid. It can also include simpler changes, such as striking up a conversation with a stranger if you’re usually shy, or trying a new dish.

It’s more important to regularly expand your comfort zone little by little, rather than occasionally rushing from extreme to extreme.

Try on a new look

The way you dress can affect how other people perceive you, but it can also affect how you perceive yourself. Wearing new clothes that aren’t familiar to you may encourage you to think or act differently.

Dr. Adam D. Galinsky, a professor at Columbia Business School, found that study participants who wore white lab coats were more alert and focused during trials. When people dress like doctors, they act more like doctors, or at least they think they act like doctors. If you want to feel more confident, dress like a confident version of yourself.

Try to surround yourself with beautiful objects and things. This will put you in a positive mood and help you cope with stress.

Challenge the imposter syndrome.

A condition such as insecurity often occurs in those who are fixated on the defeat. Impostor syndrome is an unpleasant psychological condition in which a person cannot attribute their achievements to their own qualities, abilities, and efforts. Such doubt easily creeps in because it is easier for us to remember mistakes and harder for us to remember successes.

Formulate a list of your victories, achievements, adding new ones regularly. Make a habit of periodically writing what you did well or reflecting on it. In a separate notebook, write accomplishments with a date of implementation. Examples include a host of things - you finally got on a diet, started running in the morning, got a new project, and so on.

Periodically, reviewing your successes will reduce insecurity and boost your self-esteem. It’s easier to be confident in your abilities when you remember them.

Keep your posture.

Just as what you wear affects you, the posture you adopt can also affect you. Although it may seem a little silly at first and cause discomfort (remember the advice about stepping outside your comfort zone), adopting confident postures helps change your mood.

Research done at Ohio State University shows that simply sitting with a straight back can make you feel more confident in what you’re doing.

Poor posture usually causes the body to feel more exertion and fatigue than with a straight back. Oxygen does not circulate well in the blood vessels, and bones and organs become compressed and shifted. This leads not only to physical problems but also to psychological problems such as increased stress levels and insecurity. A straight back and even breathing helps you relax and calm down.

Worry is also suppressed by body language, which needs to be monitored. Amy Cuddy, associate professor at Harvard Business School, says people can influence the impression they make on others: “It depends a lot on us whether we are at our best when the situation demands it and whether we can perform at our best.

You don’t have to be in Superman pose (arms at your sides), head held high and legs spread wide in public. The “power pose” is perfect for daily training at home. And when talking to people, it will be enough just not to cross your arms and not to put your leg over your leg. Open postures not only give you more confidence but also make the person you’re talking to feel more comfortable.

Get your voice right

Have a strong, confident voice. Its owner commands respect. You can learn how to manage the voice, for example, on courses to improve articulation, or lessons on vocal training.

Master the techniques and techniques of various negotiations. The ability to communicate with different people will allow you to avoid stressful and conflict situations, provoking the emergence of insecurity. You will be in control.

Avoid arrogance.

As you behave more confidently, it’s important to think about avoiding becoming arrogant. However, according to Hupert, arrogance is not overconfidence. Arrogance is more the result of insecurity and feelings of insecurity.

Confidence is internal self-satisfaction, while arrogance requires external validation. Thus, arrogant people brag in order to gain the acceptance of others. Someone truly confident can be assertive and standing up for themselves, but they are unlikely to act arrogantly toward others.

Ironically, the best defense against arrogance is to develop true self-confidence.

The Know-It-All Method

Try to regularly improve your own professional skills. Read thematic blogs, communicate with social networks and forums with colleagues.

There is never much knowledge. Continuous professional development will help you avoid difficulties with new projects. And this means that the level of self-esteem will be much higher.

Do not use in a conversation parasitic words.

They fatigue the interlocutor, and you distract from the essence of the conversation. Which ultimately leads to insecurity.

Try to murmur, with brief pauses. People are less receptive to fast, hurried speech. To make sure you have no more stop words in your vocabulary, record your voice and then listen to it.

Make time for hobbies

Try to find an activity that interests you and is perfect for you. A hobby will help you get your confidence back, which will gradually carry over to other areas of your life.

Get certifications to prove it

Regardless of what you do professionally, try to get certificates confirming your professionalism. As soon as you have doubts about yourself, look at them and your self-esteem will immediately skyrocket.

Accept criticism in your own direction without excessive emotions.

There will always be someone who does not like your work. If you handle criticism correctly, your self-esteem will be protected. You will also be able to improve the quality of your work.

It is important to remember that you should always work on yourself. The result will be popularity and the desire of other people to cooperate with you, to communicate, to maintain relationships.

Let’s summarize.

The most important thing to know about confidence is that everyone can grow in this direction. Yes, there are a certain set of personality traits that limit it, and probably upbringing plays a role as well.

However, there are many tools at your disposal to increase your confidence: body language, voice, positive thinking, verbal persuasion, public speaking courses, and others.

The main thing is not to dwell on failures and not to stop trying. If today your public performance, for example, at the university failed (voice trembled, threw in a cold sweat, forgot the text), the next will be better. You will know your shortcomings and be able to work on them.


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