How to love yourself: tips from a psychologist


Posted on Aug 6, 2022      10


How to learn to accept yourself

Most people in different situations hear the inner critic, who notices any shortcomings, reacts acutely to the most trifling problems. Dislike their own appearance, it often makes you feel uncomfortable? Scold yourself for the slightest misstep? Then the tips listed below can help you, because the fight with me is very tedious. It takes a lot of energy. So, how to love yourself?

Getting to know your sub-personalities

This term appeared in psychology in the 19th century. A person comprises separate “I”, the manifestation of which is the inner dialogue. Often, a person’s sub-personalities are associated with the roles he plays in social life. For example, daughter, wife, son, father. There are also more complex versions: critic, sage, helpless, perfectionist, knight, etc.

These roles we periodically play in our lives. Psychologists advise identifying them in order to then resolve the internal conflicts that arise. This is a very time-consuming process that will require not only getting to know but also accepting each sub-personality, and if it causes acute distaste, learning to accept it.

Realize your multiple facets.

You understand that in every person, there are good and bad, but that does not mean that you can only accept the good. So you need to start by understanding that you have not only a light side but also a dark side, and both are necessary.

It is important to learn how to keep the right balance, but also to love yourself even when not the best character traits show up.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes

Think back to the events for which you have ever blamed yourself and forgive yourself for those mistakes. Imagine another person in your place. Would you easily forgive him for those things? If so, then you are being too hard on yourself. And that needs to change.

Work through the events step by step, beginning with your early childhood. This work can be done both independently and with a psychologist. It takes a lot of energy to feed the emotions of self-condemnation, so after such work will be much easier.

Allow yourself to fail

There is not a single person in the world who would not have suffered defeats. Therefore, failure is not a marker that you are not capable of anything. Perhaps it’s just a lesson that will help you get on the road to success in the future.

Remember that even great people do not always succeed from the first time conceived. And sometimes from the tenth. So you need to stop beating yourself up and try to understand why the failure was necessary.

Write the things for which you love yourself

Make a list of your qualities, habits and other things for which you love yourself. It should contain at least one hundred items. It's difficult to identify and remember everything at once, so you can give yourself a week to do this.

Every time you do something you can be proud of, something to love yourself for, add it to the list and reread it from time to time.

Keep a diary of accomplishments

This tool is advised by many psychologists. Each day is very useful to finish the analysis, writing down the good things that could commit. Do not be shy, the diary should write even the smallest achievements: implementation of the plan at work, cleaning apartments, helping a friend, a delicious dinner, sports, etc.

This diary is then useful to re-read, for example, once a week or once a month to summarize and praise yourself for all you have done.

Treat your body with care

The most common problem is a preconceived notion of appearance. If there is a habit of criticizing certain aspects of appearance, it will be difficult to love yourself. Think for a moment how beautiful your body, which has to endure a lot of stress every day. And for that, accept yourself for who you are, love your body, because it is unique.

Modern standards of beauty exhibit certain restrictions, but they do not have to comply. The main thing is to take care of your body, health, but do not adjust yourself under the stereotypes set by someone else. If you want to change something in yourself, then you have to do it softly, accurately, but not to reproach and not blame yourself.

More often, repeat a simple exercise: stand in front of a mirror and say that you love and accept yourself as anyone, with all the advantages and disadvantages. If there are people around who criticize your appearance, it is advisable to limit communication with them.

Do not forbid yourself to feel

Very often, we try to suppress the unpleasant emotions. Psychologists advise not to do this, because any feelings need to live, but we have to do it correctly. To do this, we need to understand where envy, anger, resentment, anger, etc. come from. All of them give us certain information. If there is often a feeling of grief after communicating with a person, it may be worth paying attention to what the relationship provides. That is why even rage, anxiety, fear must not be suppressed, they must be dealt with.

In addition, you need to learn how to express them correctly, for example, on paper. You can make a diary of emotions, in which you can write what event causes certain emotions and what thoughts arise at the same time. Be sure to make a conclusion after each entry in the diary of emotions.

Learn to accept your desires

Most people in life are on the same road. School, after the institute, which received a profession, very often not even chosen independently. Then work, bringing more disappointment than satisfaction. And somewhere deep inside, there is a desire to work in a completely different field. And sometimes it’s even worse, when you don’t know at all what you want to do in life. All this happens because we don’t know how to listen to ourselves. Listening to what our inner voice is saying, you can understand what is really worth dedicating your life to.

There is no need to radically change something, but it is possible to go towards the dream even by small steps. Success comes to those who love their business, so allow yourself to reveal all the untapped potential.

Don’t forget your needs

Are you someone who loves it when life around you is boiling and bustling? Then you are unlikely to be suited to the accounting profession. And for those who love a quiet and measured life, there is no need to overpower yourself every day, working as a sales assistant in a large hypermarket.

When choosing a job, housing, the environment must be based on their preferences. All people have different temperaments. What others like will not suit you. Create a comfortable atmosphere around you is not so difficult, the main thing - to understand what you want.

Appreciate your uniqueness.

Hackneyed phrase that there is no other such person in the world actually makes you think. We often try to make ourselves different, losing our individuality, and it is wrong. Self should be appreciated even for those qualities that seem superfluous, because they are what make us unique.

All people accept themselves in different ways. Some people only need to recognize the problem and work with it, while others will need to deal with a huge number of problems and fears. Whatever the case may be, self-acceptance is a laborious task, but the result that comes from working on yourself is worth the effort.


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